Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I've Liked Sushi Longer Than You

Like? Nay, I love sushi. We go way back.

In fact, I invented it...which is a little known fact. I view it as being less like food and more like an art form. Every aspect should be savored and appreciated. Unless it's at a grocery store, because oh my God, that is not sushi you guys. Blasphemy!

Sushi is very popular right now, even with backwoods Texans. But it wasn't always that way. I was actually persecuted for my love of sushi in my youth... back when most Amarilloans sneered at sushi, saying things like "oh mah gawd, hao can yew eet raw fitch?" and called it "sootchi." Neophyte filth.

I distinctly remember in fifth grade, my friend Meredith would ask me if I liked sushi in front of other people my age specifically to get the shock and awe effect directed towards me, which is something one never wants to have focused on them when growing up. I got enough of that already, proof positive in my post Gross Miscalculations of a Callow Youth. Naturally the response to her announcing it, especially in a town where a sushi establishment did not yet exist, was disgust.

Meredith: What is your favorite food Marrrayyyyyy?

I could tell I was walking into a trap.

Me: Pizza

Meredith: Nuh uh! You told my whole family at Trivial Pursuit (my mom and her parents used to host TP tournaments on a small scale) and you didn't say pizza!!

Me: Nuh uh! It's pizza!

Meredith: MARY LIKES FLYING FISH EGGS!!!!!!!! She eats raw fishhhhhuh!

Elementary school classmates: EWWWWWSICKKKKKUHHH

Me: (head hung in shame)

But yes I did, and still do, like flying fish eggs. I like smelt roe even more, which are fish eggs as well. Isn't it beautiful?


Now, since I started eating this before birth, I obviously didn't have the unique pleasure of drinking sake with sushi... initially. When I did discover it, I found that no words exist that accurately describe the majestic and exquisite bliss that is the paring of sushi and sake. Something like this?


EXCALIBURRRRRRR!!!!!

It's nothing short of fabulous, I assure you. For those of you who do not drink, you should start immediately so you can try this. Here's what you do. You go to a fine eatery that offers sushi and adult beverages. You order a beer, and have them bring out a glass with the beer, separately. Then, you order a sake. You fill the glass of beer half-way, and put your chopsticks on top of it spaced a half an inch apart. Fill your sake cup. Put the sake cup on top of the chopsticks. Ball your hands up into fists, then raise up your hands and pound them on the table on either side of the glass as hard as you can. You'll immediately see the sake glass drop into the beer. This is where, at the speed of light, you grab your beer and chug (if possible) the entire thing.


You may be saying, "well, that's not very ladylike."

My response to that is, I very much like to be ladylike as often as possible. I don't think I succeed at this because my sense of humor is far too dark and I'm far too negative - both of which are traits undesirable in a ladylike personality. But even if you are the daintiest flower, you should throw caution to the wind and try it.

In my last visit to the mother ship, Amarillo Texas, I accompanied several friends to our favorite little sushi bar - Sakura. I've been to Sakura so much that the owner and his wife know me, and still offer me a complimentary food or drink item when I come, even though I come very sporadically these days. They're great and I love them! Anyway, we were a huge group, and as per usual with my friends - we were far louder than we should have been. Luckily we had joined this scene in the thick of the night, so our loudness wasn't as noticeable as it was normally. We hardly ever get together in a huge group because we all live in different places now, so needless to say things get a little hair-raising when we do.

Even though there was a moderate buzz of conversation in the room, it certainly wasn't loud. The next thing I knew, I'd devoured a boat load of sushi and sake bombs were on the way. The whole table of twelve had ordered one a piece. We all got our beers, sakes and chopsticks in place. Then: thunder.

We all pounded our fists at the same time, which most likely registered on a Richter scale as a minor earthquake. Every single person in the restaurant stopped mid-conversation and turned to gawk at us. My face flared red.

I started to even say something by way of a standing apology - but before I could move, an old man at the table next to us shouted "I WANT ONE!!!!"

Then, the next thing we knew, the whole restaurant was a cacophony of people banging fists on tables in a conglomeration of sake bomb merriment.... which brings me to my next point....

I started a restaurant-wide sake bomb waterfall long before you did.