February: A Month From the Bowels of Hell

My family (me, Kevin, Amelia) has been sick for the ENTIRE MONTH of February. As many of you may or may not know, I absolutely loathe going to the doctor and will be at death's front door before I finally relent and allow myself to be taken. Usually Kevin or my best friend Laine will have to say something that affronts my delicate (uh...ha!) nature in order to convince me I'm being ridiculous and might meet my end if I don't go.


I would see him though, because he's hot. Yes I said it, Hugh Laurie is hot. He has an attitude problem, he's British and he dresses in those print tshirts with a courduroy jacket. Swoon!

Onward. Yesterday I met with the ridicule of Kevin and Laine. Plus, I was scaring people at work. So I went to the doctor, and she essentially had an aneurysm at me. "Jesus, you sound awful" she says. "I sound like a 500 lb smoking man" I say, to which she gave a nod of affirmation. I left with an antibiotic, an inhaler and medicated nasal spray. I was offered steroids and hydrocodone, which I respectfully declined. As previously discussed, I already sound like a man so I don't need steroids, thank you. I declined the narcotics because I'd be all... "aw?" when it ran out.

So now I'm medicated and feel a little better, though I still sound like a corpulent smoker, and am still voming from excessive coughing. Just to reiterate the hellishness of this month, allow me to disclose to you the disgusting diseases that have befallen my house recently: flu, pink eye, bronchial infections, respiratory infections, small pox, jungle monkey virus, plague, dysentery, snake bite...basically all the diseases in Oregon Trail.



Okay, only the first four were true...but still how awful is that? Here's hoping March treats us a little better!