Awkward Encounter at The Help

Yesterday evening I went with 6 friends to see The Help. A few of the girls had read the book prior to seeing the movie, so they had some inkling of what to expect. I'd only seen one preview - and I didn't know what to make of it because I'd only caught the tail end. It seemed almost as if it was going to be civil rights movement meets quirky joke-a-thon. Those concepts didn't quite seem to marry to me, but hey - at least they hadn't decided on seeing Final Destination 5 (GAG!)

When I got to the theater, it was overrun. Never did I think I'd see that many people waiting in line. Of course, it had been awhile since I'd been to a mall theater. One thing I'm going to absolutely miss about Austin is going to Alamo Drafthouse. I'm totally spoiled with that.

So basically it was like a mob had descended on the place and of course, everyone was there to see The Help. I think the last time I saw a crowded theater like that was when they released Twister into the Cinema 6 (back when there were only a few crappy theaters) in Amarillo in the early 90s and Len Slesik, the weather man, was there dressed in galoshes giving a severe weather warning over the loud speakers.

Almost immediately we realized that we, as a group, would not be able to sit together. So I separated from the other five girls with one brave companion and sat in the handicapped aisle.

DON'T JUDGE

The handicapped aisle allows for unhandicapped people too, ya know! So we sat down in two seats and next to me sat a woman and her father, who was in a wheel chair. Jennifer, my friend, and I were chatting along merrily when all of a sudden I noticed that there was a woman in my crotch.

I saw it happen, in reflection, but the immediate realization was...
"holy shit, this woman is in my crotch."

The woman in question was attempting to go get a concession before the movie started and was walking down the handicapped aisle with her companion, wildly gesturing with about five or six dollar bills in her hand - and didn't see the gentleman two chairs down from me in the wheelchair.

So while wildly gesturing (dolla bills waiving) to her friend, she managed to trip over his prosthetic leg and land face-first in my crotch. She was just as shocked as I was. In fact, she was so shocked she didn't move. She just looked up at me with her giant bouffant hairdo apologizing over and over in a heavy Southern accent. "I'm sorray! I'm just---I'm just so sorray!!!"

I obligatorily said "it's okay" about four times before she finally got up. She stood there for a moment - still in shock - the seconds ticking away like hours.... before she finally turned around ready to bolt away from this disastrous situation.

Unfortunately when she finally decided on the bolt she didn't look where she was going. Promptly after turning around she slammed into someone else like a pinball with bad poofy hair before finally escaping the theater to get her snack.

All I could think was "literally this is the most uncomfortable thing that has ever happened to me." Luckily, thank GOD, the previews started shortly after.

I was not prepared for The Help. It was fantastic and heartbreaking. I highly recommend it - I absolutely loved it. You should go see it! Just watch out for space cadet women who might unsuspectingly end up in your crotch.