To Do: Slam Head on Keyboard

I do and say the wrong things. I don't know what it is, but I also have this weird....let's say....ability to transpose words or select the wrong recipient, which can change a simple text or email into a ticking time-bomb of embarrassment. This only happens to me with one person. So I'm guessing what happened was - fates conspired, and when they did, they landed on the idea that it was perfect to have this occur towards the person that I want to be embarrassed in front of the least - my father.

Example:

Father: Your grandfather is going to have quadruple bypass heart surgery.
Me: Oh. Oh no. Oh, dad! When? Why?
Father: (Long medical explanation)
Me: (brain processing)
Father: I hesitated to tell you, I didn't know whether or not I should - I didn't want you to worry.
Me: Are quadruple vasectomies dangerous for someone as advanced in years as he is?
Father: I'm sure they are, but he's having heart surgery.


Just thinking about that makes me cringe. Who says that?

Me?! Surely you jest.

Come on, Mary. I'd like to think it was because I was emotionally overwhelmed. Alas, it's still no excuse.

Example 2:

I loooooove www.someecards.com. It makes the sun shine. It is the cherry on top. It helped God create (or rest, I can't remember) on the 7th day. And certainly, if I've run out of things to do at work, it makes me look occupied.

One day I found a card. I can't remember what it was at the moment, something work related I believe. I decided I would introduce my father to the ultimate awesomeness of the some ecard website via this card. It was tame enough, after all. Some of the ecards at this site are not so tame. Though the not-so-tame ones, however vulgar they may be, are just as - if not more hilarious than the tame kind. SO! I decide to send one to the father unit. I click send, completely proud of being the facilitator in this introduction process.

I get an email some hours later with a single sentence

"Mary, there is no way this card could possibly be for me."

WHAT? What is that supposed to mean? How could you not find a some ecard funny? Impossible I say, totally impossible.

Then I see that I'm still able to click the card. So, scowl on face, I decide to click on the card and improve my mood by relishing whatever joke lay within. I click, I see the card (which is green for St. Patrick's day) and the caption says the following -

"Let's make out before we inevitably puke on each other."


......


Oh. My. God.

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?? AND WHY??? Curse you, some ecards!!! I believe, quite honestly, my reaction was to slam my head directly on my keyboard. Needless to say, this was not the card I had initially selected.

We never spoke of it again.



I think I've illustrated my point.

At this point I'm starting to wonder why I decided to disclose this information...