My whole love affair with Charlie Sheen just recently started. I periodically go through bouts of not wanting to look at or hear anything in the way of news. Let's face it, the news is depressing. The only reason we ever hear positive things in the media, in my opinion, is because they simply need fillers between the horrific and depressing stories. Fear sells. They just give us the filler stories so we all just don't put down our remotes and jump out of a window. Thus, every now and then I need to disconnect and a month ago I did just that. But that can only last so long you see. If you have facebook, you're bound to catch some bits of news even if you aren't looking to.
So about 2 weeks ago I see this "winning" thing trending. "What? What's going on here with this winning?" I said to myself. Finally after seeing eleventy billion posts of it, curiosity got the better of me. So I googled, and I came into the most amazing set of quotes ever. I wish my brain was exactly like Charlie's, because my blog would be SO much more interesting. Take this particular gem...
"I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total fricking rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain."
Freakin' YES Charlie Sheen!!!!!! I've been waking up every day for the past 27 years scratching my head thinking "why can't people just accept the fact that I'm a bitching rock star from Mars?" Thank you for finally speaking out against the oppression.
Here's where we get to the dream part. After posting that on facebook and going to sleep at night, all of the colors of the rainbow...even indigo...came together to form a magical awesomefest of music in my sleeping brain. In the dream, there were three key elements:
First - Charlie Sheen and I were a metal band called Charlie Cheen. Or at least, that's what we were announced as. But definitely not Sheen. It was Cheen.
Second - We only had one song that was comprised of one word.
You've heard metal bands, right? You can't ever tell what they're saying. They could be saying one word or multiple words, but it's impossible to tell. They could be saying "I love to take tea and eat biscuits and mini cucumber sandwiches on non-consecutive Tuesdays" and you'd never know. You'd just be sitting there thinking, "Mannnnn, that's some badass noise dewwwwwd." That is, if you like metal. I think it's horrid because of precisely what I just said in that quoted sentence back there. Only...take out badass. It's just noise. So...
Third - The one word in the song was, of course, WINNING.
Like I said though, you can't tell. Because we're a metal band. So we just say winning over and over again like this -
WINNINGGGGGGGGGGUH. Winningwinningwinningwinningwinningggggggggggggguh.
Really it just depends on the music and how erratic it is. So, it's a judgement call as to whether or not you say WINNING as one word just really drawn out, or you say WINNING many times in succession. I guess as the singer one can feel free to exercise some creative control.
Now, for my part in this band I - well - to be quite honest I have no idea what my part was. All I know is that I was on stage. Maybe I was like, pyrotechnics specialist or something. Charlie was, of course, the entire purpose of the band. The odd thing was, I knew it was Charlie Sheen but he, erm, didn't quite look like himself. Let me try and explain with some pictures...
Charlie Sheen was a combination of as follows...
Here's how he was assembled: Actual head plus unicorn horn. Optimus Prime torso. Unicorn legs and tail.
Basically, he was like the most awesome centaur ever.
This guy ain't got nothin' on my Sheen OptiCorn!
In closing, not only am I irreparably strange, but my dreams are too.
Here's some of the best Charlie quotes, free of charge!
"Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didn’t make the rules."
"I am battle-tested bayonets, bro."
"Look what I’m dealing with, man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls."
"It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns."
"You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.”
“I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.”
“Oh wait, can’t process it. Losers. Winning. Buh bye.”
“There are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper.”
“I don’t live in the middle anymore. That’s where you get slaughtered. That’s where you get embarrassed. From the prom queen.”
“The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”
“I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.”
“I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”
“People are mystified by this odyssey that refuses to quit calling itself Charlie Sheen."
Well said, sir!
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